Tommy Nelson Blog: The Best Valentine’s Present: Your Presence

Pure Joy Project Mom Kids 225x300 Tommy Nelson Blog: The Best Valentines Present: Your Presence

I’m over at the Tommy Nelson Blog again this month with a post featuring what else but…LOVE! I would argue that the best Valentine’s present you can give your kids is your presence, but with that, it’s easier said than done.

I’ve learned a lot of things about my kids in the short seven and a half years that I’ve been a parent.

Some days I think I’ve got it all figured out; but those are usually followed by days where everything I’ve thought to be true backfires on me.

Other days I stand in their darkened bedroom after they’re asleep, watching their chests rise and fall with each breath, and simply marvel at these little lives God has blessed me with.

Still on some days, I struggle simply to get everyone out of the door on time and then collapse into tears in the car line after shoving them out the door 30 seconds before school starts.

And yet in all those instances, over all those years and in every circumstance, there has only been one piece of parenting advice that I’ve found to be universal: Pay attention – it goes too quickly.

2011 08 28 Nashville Zoo Mumsy Preds 011 300x225 Tommy Nelson Blog: The Best Valentines Present: Your Presence

Read the full article on the Tommy Nelson blog

Family New Year’s Resolutions: Tommy Nelson Blog

IMG 3854 199x300 Family New Years Resolutions: Tommy Nelson Blog

I’m back on the Tommy Nelson Blog today with a post about Family New Year’s Resolutions!

Does your family set New Year’s Resolutions?

I realize the New Year is typically a time for people to reflect and re-evaluate, but how often do you include your kids when you set such goals? After all, aren’t we supposed to model God’s standard of behavior when it comes to health, wealth and happiness?

I think one of the fatal mistakes we make when it comes to setting goals and changing behavior is that we try to go it alone. Whether it’s an accountability partner to help protect your relationships or a running buddy to help you lose weight, teaming up has proven to increase your chances of actually sticking to your goals.

Read the entire article on the Tommy Nelson Blog….

The Choice of Family

2011 11 13 Rivera Sears Santa Pics 029 225x300 The Choice of FamilyI’m back on the Tommy Nelson blog this month with an article called “Choosing Family this Christmas“. While a lot of people are in the midst of sharing some of their favorite memories, traditions and ways they celebrate the season, I also wanted to share another reality so many of us face during the holidays.

While this is a favorite time of year for many families, it can also be a time filled with stress and choices.

It should go without saying that we live in a fallen world, but for some reason, when it comes to Christmas, many families expect perfection.

Perfect family pictures. Perfect turkey dinners. Perfect behavior. Perfect decorations. And most of all, perfect time together.

Unfortunately, that is not reality…Read full article

The Last First Day of Kindergarten: Tommy Nelson Blog Sept

I’m back on the Tommy Nelson blog in September with my newest post, “The Last First Day of Kindergarten“!

Every month, us “Tommy Mommies” will share around a different topic that’s important to us at that time; this month we’re each discussing …Back to School! Whether you’ve just sent your last child off to college, put a child in pre-school for the first time, or are still at this moment debating whether public, private or homeschool is the right choice for you, I think you’ll learn a lot from what everyone has to share in the coming days…
246 225x300 The Last First Day of Kindergarten: Tommy Nelson Blog SeptToday marked the last FIRST day of Kindergarten for me.

Huh?

I know – I was a little confused when I heard it too. But as I was driving both my kids to their first day of school, I received a call from one of my closest friends here in Nashville. As I was debating whether or not to rush meet her at the gym after dropping my kids off at school, she chimed in and said, “Take the day off and take your time with them. After all, this is your last first day of Kindergarten.” Continue reading

Tommy Mommy yellow The Last First Day of Kindergarten: Tommy Nelson Blog Sept

Emotional Security

knight princess Emotional Security

Courtesy of www.sxc.hu

Most women look to men to provide security.

That statement should come as no surprise. In fact, it’s been proven in many a poll.

What most men don’t understand about this fact is that women define security in a very different way than men do. To most women, the security they’re seeking is emotional.

Women long to be assured that they are loved, safe and cared for. Having your husband simply hand over a paycheck at the end of the week just isn’t going to cut it these days when it comes to providing a sense of security in a relationship!

That’s why I elaborated on this topic in this month’s issue of The Good News. You can read the entire article, A Sense of Security, via their online newspaper even if you don’t live in FL. Of course, if you do live in Florida, be sure to pick up a hard copy around town and I’ll sign a copy for you next time I’m in town icon wink Emotional Security

 

Creating a Culture of Security with your Kids

teenager Creating a Culture of Security with your KidsSitting in church, I couldn’t help but watch a mother and her young daughter sitting in front of me. The mother was stroking her little girl’s long, brown hair and she seemed to be relishing both her mother’s touch and the proximity she was experiencing.

Just across the aisle, I saw a family with a teenager who shrunk into his chair as much as humanly possible. His arms were folded, his head was bowed (and not in a spiritual way) and his whole body resembled a wilted flower that had gone without water for way too long.

What happens in those few precious years between childhood and adolescence? Why do we turn from wanting to spend every moment in our mother’s lap to scooting as far away from her as possible in our seat?

I would venture to say it comes down to one word: SECURITY.

Toddlers crawl into their parents’ arms because they’re safe, warm and often all that they know of the outside world. Even when nothing else makes sense, they know they can trust the sense of security they find in the arms of their mother or father.

But as our kids get older, their sin nature becomes more apparent…right? I know I’m not alone on this.

Instead of greeting them with a smile when they walk in the room, we barrage them with a series of questions: Why didn’t you pick up your shoes? Make your bed? Take out the trash? Or better yet: Why did you hit your sister? Skip class? Throw rocks on the playground? (I could go on and on)

In these moments, our children slowly begin to discover that we may not be a safe haven, but instead, a source of strife. Before you know it, those little ones that you couldn’t tear away from your side become young adults who don’t want anything to do with you.

So then, is it possible to create a culture of security, trust and respect in the midst of discipline for your children? Absolutely. Not only is it possible, it’s a necessity. If you don’t develop a language of security with your kids when they’re young, they will run from you, and ultimately God, as they grow older.

Here are just a few ways to do just that:

*Smile instead of scowl when they walk in the room. It will automatically diffuse any uncertain anticipation.

*Respect their time. Don’t fit their life into your schedule. Let them know you’d like time to speak with them after their homework/sports practice/music lessons, etc.

*Don’t die on a hill; save the battle for the mountain. Chances are your kids aren’t going to do everything the way you’d like them to. But if you chew them up over every little thing, you’ll never make it into those battles that actually matter – the ones about relationships, drugs, education, etc. Choose your battles.

The Friend List: 7 Essential Girlfriends

friends The Friend List: 7 Essential GirlfriendsThere’s just something about girlfriends.

Regardless of whether you’re six or sixty, a girl needs to be surrounded by her friends. As children, we invite them over for playdates to dress up and have a tea party. As teenagers, we long to reach the age to meet them at the movies or the mall. In our twenties and beyond, we look forward to “Girls Night Out”, enjoying everything from manicures to coffee and conversation in a judgment-free environment.

No matter what our age, we look to our girlfriends to provide shoulders to cry on, ears to listen and hearts to hear things the men in our lives may never understand (besides, should we really subject our mates to why it’s important to have so many pockets in one purse? Let’s be fair, ladies.)

But in an era of Facebook and Twitter, our face time with friends seems to be on the decline. While it’s not uncommon for someone to have hundreds of friends via social media, how many of those relationships are really tried and true? And if we’re being completely honest, how many of those friends do you really have the time to invest in?

I recently decided to reflect on these questions myself. As a result, I came up with my quintessential friend list: 7 friends no-one should be without in their lifetime. While they may come into play during different stages of our lives, each are unique in their purpose and valuable beyond words:

  1. The School Friend

    Whether from grade school or college, there needs to be a friend in your life that remembers your days of bad hair, bad fashion and yes, even some bad choices. This friend has a history with you that helps you embrace the best of your past while encouraging you on towards your future.

  2. The Contemporary Friend

    This may be someone at work, church, or in the neighborhood that just ‘gets’ you. You grew up in the same era and strive for the same goals. You challenge each other in your profession, whether that happens to be as a working woman or a stay-at-home mom. The two of you understand the importance of dreaming and achieving goals and are there for each other when you need an extra boost to reach the stars!

  3. The Mommy Friend

    One of the most critical friendships when you have kids five and under, nothing is off-limits with this friend. From poop to vomit to tantrums, the Mommy Friend gets you at a time in your life when nothing else makes sense. You’re there to let each other know you haven’t lost your minds and to remind each other when potty-training gets hard that no-one in Kindergarten still wears diapers (oh yeah, and that showering daily is a luxury, not a requirement!).

  4. The Faithful (& Faith-Filled) Friend

    You know the one. Not only can you count on this friend to always be praying for you, but you can call on her at any moment to join you in your spiritual battles. She is thoughtful, selfless, positive, giving, dedicated, and above all else, loves deeply. When you need a pick-me-up to remind you of how precious you are in God’s eye, this is your girl.

    Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thes 5:16-18

  5. The “Learn From” & “Pass On” Friends

    All of us need someone a little older in our lives that’s willing to walk beside us through this journey that we can “learn from”; someone who’s been there, done that and is willing to tell the tale. Likewise, we need to find someone we can also walk alongside and “pass on” similar information to. This is one of the sweetest and deepest ways we can grow as women.

  6. The Fun Friend

    This is your cut-loose, karaoke-singing, weekend road trip friend. Whether you have a random urge to get creative and paint a sunset at the beach or feel like driving across the state line just for kicks, this girl is up for it! Fun-filled and free-spirited, this friend sees the glass half-full and can even make sitting in traffic a blast when you’re with her.

  7. The Best Friend

    We all need a best friend. You know the one. The friend you call that can not only occupy all the above roles, but is there when you need her regardless of time of day or how silly the request may happen to be. She’s the first person you call when you break-up with your boyfriend, go into labor, or lose someone close to you. Regardless of time apart or miles away, this is your go-to girl.

Friends are the strings that help knit the stories of our lives together. Just as each of us go through different seasons of life, so do our relationships vary during these times. Still, each of the friends above stays with us through every page in the book of our lives. Nothing is sweeter than having the heart of God manifested here on earth through the life of one of your friends.

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. – John 15:12-13

The Power of Words

IMG 2556 225x300 The Power of WordsI often say I wish I could freeze my children.

There’s just something so sweet about how little ones talk when they’re learning a language. Their tone, inflections and pronunciations tickle me.

When my two kids were still in a crib, I often found myself videotaping their baby monitor. They’d wake up from sleeping and just sit in their crib talking to themselves for what seemed like hours at a time. I didn’t dare go in and disturb them (Parenting Rule #1 – Never bother a content child), but I just knew that those voices would eventually change. I never wanted to forget those sweet words like “Gella gella” (Cinderella…or in some cases, gorilla) or “Dadoo” (her word for ‘Softy’, her favorite sleeping toy).

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” – Proverbs 16:24

Just as those words can bring joy, as our children age, their sweet voices can turn into whining, nagging and a never-ending barrage of questions. Instead of taping them with a camcorder, you may find yourself hiding from them in the bathroom!

It seems that instead of trying to instill that same sweetness in our own speech to inspire them, we take cues from their behavior and allow our own words to become peppered with negativity, shame and guilt. I know I don’t respond will to these attributes, so why do I expect my kids to change their behavior when I berate them with my words?

I understand it can be difficult to remain calm, cook and collected throughout our entire parenting journey. But if you stop long enough to respond instead of react to your child, your words of affirmation will fill them up in a way nothing else you give them ever could.

3 Practical Ways to Pray with your Kids

I always get asked advice on how to pray with kids. Giving our kids tangible ways to talk to a seemingly intangible God makes prayer personal for them. Here are just three practical ways to get them started until they feel comfortable enough to venture out on their own prayer path:

  1. Pray/Sing God’s Word back to Him

    One of the best ways to pray, regardless of whether you’re young or old, is to pray and/or sing God’s Word back to Him. A great resource for this is 100 Prayers, 100 Praise Songs by Stephen Elkins or by putting scripture to music.

  2. Pray over Pictures

    Put pictures of family and your kids’ friends in their room on a bulletin board or on your fridge. Find a regular time to pray over them every day.

  3. Prayer Cards

    Take index cards and write categories on them for each day of the week for you and your family to pray over together. Here is just an example of what your week could look like:
    Sunday: church/missions
    Monday: Parents’ co-workers/neighbors
    Tuesday: Mommy’s Extended Family
    Wednesday: Daddy’s Extended Family
    Thursday: School friends/teachers
    Friday: Mentors
    Saturday: Friends who aren’t saved

To read my entire article on Kids Prayer Tips, visit TommyNelson.com

Tommy Mommy whitepurple 150x1501 3 Practical Ways to Pray with your Kids

Teaching Your Kids True Beauty

true beauty Teaching Your Kids True Beauty

Have you ever struggled with teaching your kids true beauty? To be honest, I still struggle with it myself!

In a world consumed with princesses and fairy tales, it can be difficult to talk to our kids about how beauty truly comes from within. But that’s the exact topic I tackle over in my latest Tommy Mommy post over on TommyNelson.com.

I’d love to hear what you think – leave a comment here or on TommyNelson.com about how you try to instill a sense of true beauty in your own kids!

Read “True Beauty” on TommyNelson.com